June 14, 2012

Things Learned...

Keeping in mind that these last three weeks have not been the "ideal motherhood experience" we long for, (that's a nice way of saying, "These last three weeks have been awful!") please read the following story and laugh at me or cry for me whichever you choose.  I couldn't decide which to do, so I did both!

Here is a small quote from yesterday's post: I also start violin lessons today! I'm hoping I don't embarrass myself too badly...however, it's probably inevitable! :)  And story!

Yesterday was one of those horrifically busy days.  The kids and I needed to leave no later than 10:30 AM to get the kids to their swimming lessons.  After swimming lessons, we had just enough time to shower and eat lunch before my violin lessons.  Because the lesson was in town, and we also had church that evening, I was planning on spending the rest of the afternoon running errands...busy day!  All that made for a very busy morning...making sure we had the house straightened (I'm still fairly certain that was unsuccessful), washing sheets (for the 10th time in 2 weeks...not lying!), getting swim stuff gathered, finishing up the grocery and errand list, getting church clothes together, and by all means, let's make sure we get the violin ready to go!

I made a huge pile of stuff for the kids to take to the car while I was finishing my make up and hair.  I rushed out the door, climbed into the car and very distinctly remember asking, "You guys got the violin, right?" And I know, without one single doubt, that I heard a "Yeah!" from somewhere!  We fly out of the driveway at 10:36 AM (obviously a little late already!)!

All is lovely until we get to town.  I went to grab something from the back of the car, slammed the hatch shut and then stopped completely dead in my tracks, paused for one moment hoping it wasn't true, then turned and opened the hatch again.  There is NO VIOLIN CASE ANYWHERE IN MY CAR!!!!  And it's pretty hard to miss seeing one of those!  I try to be calm, but I can feel a melt down coming!  I get in the car and ask again, "Did someone put my violin in the car?  Please tell me yes!"  The response this time...FOUR I didn'ts!  (Still haven't completely figured out this part of the story!)

I broke down in tears!  Here I am, a musician...with a degree in music no less..., a teacher of voice and choir for 10 years, whose sole purpose of driving an hour was to take a violin lesson, and I am faced with the only option of calling my violin teacher and giving her the lamest excuse in the book, "I forgot my violin!"  It took me ten minutes before I could dial the number!  In the end, it turned out fine.  She laughed and said she had one that she kept for just such occasions (insert my very sarcastic laugh here)!  I was able to show my face and did have a nice beginning to violin lessons.

I was so exhausted last night. I ended up getting groceries with just the little newbie.  I think the Mr. realized that for the sake of my sanity I needed to get groceries alone. The newbie is always such a happy guy, but not this night.  He screamed the entire time while I held him on one hip and lugged the cart through the store.  Did I also mention you bag your own groceries at this store? was a great time!  I'm telling you what, people!  God is trying to teach me something, and I must be a very hard headed student because things like this have been happening for THREE WEEKS now!

As I was going home at 10 PM, I began to analyze my life and where it all went so terribly wrong ( a little melodramatic, I know)!   I actually had quite the philosophical discussion in my mind and came to these three conclusions:

1. God wants me to see my sin as sin against Him.  Many times, I look at my sin as "failure" to my family or my kids, and I forget that it also sin against a holy and righteous God.  Each time I say an angry word or make an accusation, I did not just hurt my family, I sinned against God.

2.  God wants me to learn how to respond to problems.  These last three weeks have been full of literally dozens of stories just like the ones ain't fun and it ain't stoppin'!  To be honest, I have not handled many of the them the right way.  Maybe God is waiting for me to learn the lesson of how to respond when problems occur.  I need to remember that God is the author of all my days and nothing happens without His knowledge.  I need to stop counting all my problems and start looking for the lessons (and the blessings) in the them.

3. I am a wavering Christian full of doubts, and I need to pray with more faith.  I know that God wants my family to be a strong and godly one.  I pray, but then I try to fix; or I pray, and then I begin to think of all the many reasons why I will probably never see my family become the Christian family God desires us to be.  With God, all things are possible, and it would be His delight and pleasure to give me the desire of my heart, but I need to let Him do the work and let Him use me as He chooses so that He can best accomplish this.

So...a long post, and I'm not sure that I really went very far with it or made much sense out of it, but one of my reasons for writing is so that other moms know they are not alone.  We all have bad days, and I'm sure all of you moms could tell a far worse story than this one!  We moms put a lot of pressure on ourselves to get it right because we do only have one opportunity at this!  However, we do need to realize that there is a lot that we cannot do, and that we are only mere tools that God uses to help our family become like Him.  The only One who can really make our family a godly one is God Himself!  So, don't just include Him in Your plans.  Make Him the Author of your days, your story and your life!  Let Him do the creating while you, the tool, just rest in His hands.

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