April 20, 2012

The Trap of Selfishness

This last year I have had to "redefine" the words "taking a break." For one, does a mom ever really get to take a break? There are some days that I think I would enjoy working a "real job" just so that I could go to the bathroom in peace and quiet! :) I've hinted in previous posts that during my pregnancy with the newbie, I was exhausted, demoralized, unfocused and well, pretty much, no fun to be around! I tried...really, really tried, to put on the fake face and carry on, and sometimes I was able to, but many times, I ended up sitting in a chair having a pity party wondering why no one was waiting on ME hand and foot!

During that time, I became really convicted about "me time." I had never thought of this before until I read it an article (do not remember where at), but do you realize that selfishness begets more selfishness and "me time" begets more "me time?" In other words, the more we get, the more we want! We are surrounded by a culture who tells us to take what we want. If it makes you feel good about yourself, by all means, do it! But, is that truly the way Jesus lived His life on earth? Then, I'm reminded of that word servant. I am to live my life as Jesus lived His - full of service to others not to myself.

However, I have also come to realize that in order to be a mom, I do need what I call R&R. My R&R stands for Rest and Rejuvinate! I try to make sure I guard my R&R time, but I have found that I have to guard it more from myself than my kiddos. True R&R does not involve the computer, the phone, a list, text messaging, etc. True R&R calls for things such as sleep, refreshing music, some Bible reading or just reading from a good book. True R&R is taking time to fill my mind with things that are good and lovely, peaceful and encouraging, so that I can then pass those things on to my family. I think we mommies, well, really, all people, have forgotten to take the time to purposefully fill our minds with beautiful, lovely and gracious things. Because of this, we don't have much beauty to share with others. I try to make time for this R&R daily. Believe me, it doesn't always happen, but once again I will say, it happens more when I make it a goal than if I didn't.

All that being said, there are times when I do things for me just because. I try once a month to go to lunch with my friend. At the beginning of every spring, I look forward to my pedicure. As a matter of fact, tomorrow, I am going for the very rare treat of a massage and facial! (Thanks to my sisters and sweet Mr. for the gift certificate at Christmas!) I try to look at these times as undeserved blessings, not as "Well, after all I've done, it's about time I get to do something I want to do." And I think that is where we ladies need to draw the line. God created us to enjoy beauty and to enjoy feeling special, but do we look at these things as blessings given to us from a God and a family we really don't deserve, or do we take and take and then expect more? I will be the first to say that I do not always look at it with the right perspective, but I can also say that it is wonderfully freeing to not be a part of the trap of selfishness when I do think the right way.

I pray you all have a beautiful weekend. And if you do get a chance to enjoy some time away, make sure you sing God's praises and tell your Mr. and your kiddos how they have blessed you by allowing you to have that special time!

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