August 6, 2012

The Wrong Focus

It's time for some brutal honesty here today.  For the last two months, I have struggled with that feeling of not being able to find my place, fit in, and be completely content with all of the relationships I have (or have not) been given.  I think this is something that, if we are honest, everyone, in particular those of the female gender, struggle with!  This weekend, I finally sat down and did some good soul-searching.  As I was reflecting, I recognized that nothing around me has changed.  The people around me, my circumstances - they are all still the same.  Between my soul-searching and our Pastor's message Sunday evening, I came to the conclusion that the thing that had changed was - ME.  Yep, that's right!  Me as in what I was choosing to focus on and look to for satisfaction.  I realized last night that instead of letting God fill me completely with Himself, I had begun looking for and depending on people and relationships to satisfy me.  There's a big problem with that.  Well, two big problems actually.  Number one: no person (not even my sweet mr.) can ever completely satisfy me.  Number two: The more you have, the more you want!  It seems like the more people compliment you, the more popular you become, the more you dominate everyone else's life, the more you want compliments, popularity and that place of priority.

I have to say this conclusion took me by surprise.  I really felt that my heart's desire was to please God and to walk close to Him and have that special relationship with Him.  Last night, I realized that I needed to once again realign myself with God's Word and give myself fully to my relationship with Him - particularly in the area of prayer.  I'm so thankful that God's Word never runs dry.  No matter how many times we may hear a verse, the Holy Spirit can always speak through it.  I'm so thankful that the Holy Spirit continues to work in my heart even though I lose my focus and am not always the best listener.  This morning, I woke up with Psalm 73 on my mind:

Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee.
My flesh and my heart faileth, but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.
But it is good for me to draw near to God.
~Psalm 73:25, 26, 28a

So, today I am choosing to fill my heart and mind with the truth of God's Word instead of the lies of Satan.  I am choosing to make my relationship with God the priority relationship in my life.  Does that mean today has been an amazingly awesome day?  Well, let's just say it's been a Monday here at my place, but it's been a Monday with a right focus, which has made it a much better Monday! :)  

I hope you are enjoying your Monday, and I pray it's filled with the right focus on the One we should desire above all others!

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