June 19, 2013

A Wednesday Funny!

I saw this in a local paper while waiting for our pizza yesterday.  I'm not sure who to give credit to, but it gave me a few good laughs, and so I thought I'd share!

25 Things My Mom Taught Me
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My Mom taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My Mom taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My Mom taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My Mom taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My Mom taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My Mom taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My Mom taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My Mom taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My Mom taught me about PATIENCE.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My Mom taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My Mom taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My Mom taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My Mom taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My Mom taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My Mom taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My Mom taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My Mom taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, They are going to freeze that way."

19. My Mom taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My Mom taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My Mom taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My Mom taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My Mom taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My Mom taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My Mom taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!" 
I did and Mom was right, they did.
Maybe they should read this list too.

Did your mom tell you any of these?  Better yet, if you are a mom, do you find yourself saying them?  Enjoy your Wednsesday!
Wishing you a day full of blessings,

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