Why I Am Extraordinarily Thrilled to Be a Wife and Mom

Today, I am extraordinarily thrilled to be a wife and mom!  I feel so blessed to be called by God to this small nucleus of people.  There are some times when I feel as though I have put aside or need to put aside many important things in order to "only be a mom."  There are a few times when I feel like no one recognizes that I am a person too who would like to do other things every now and then.  There are many times when it hits me in the face that no one really cares that I just swept the floor for the 10th time today or just wiped off the table for the 20th!  (Please don't tell me I'm the only mom who feels this way!  The truth be told, this is not exclusive to moms.  Most jobs bring these feeling along at some time!)

Here is why I am thrilled to be a wife and mom, though!  It is because of the many things I am learning along this journey.   One thing I have learned (and learned the hard way) is that the best place for any mom to be is at home with her man and her kiddos, but it's also the place Satan wants you at the least.  I have heard many people talk of why the world is the way it is today.  Some people say it began to make its downward spiral when prayer left the schools or when people began buying votes instead of earning them or perhaps when churches began to  emulate the world in an effort to gain bigger crowds.  I contend that our downward spiral began when the lady of the house left the home.  What we as wives and moms do, day in and day out, with very little recognition or appreciation is - when looking at the big picture - extremely vital to our society - and even more so to our personal little family!

I am learning that, in many ways, the wife and mom of the home truly does set the direction of the family.  Our actions speak volumes, and our little ones are watching us constantly.  We have been given this amazing opportunity to be God's hands to our children.  We can show them God's love in a way that no teacher or friend can, but we have to be there to be able to do that!  If you are a mom struggling with finding the contentment of being at home, I want to tell you first of all, I understand.  I was there 6 years ago.  I almost consented to teach 1st and 2nd grade full time so that I could escape the struggles I was facing at home.  (Ironic - I know.  Leave my home with 4 kiddos (at that time) to go spend the day with 20!)  I want to encourage you not to give up!  That's what Satan wants you to do, and he is feeding your soul full of lies!  Here are a few things that have helped me push through those days (or sometimes weeks) when I want to give up and pursue my own agenda. 

1. Pray daily - sometimes minute by minute - that God will help you find joy in being the wife and mommy He has called you to be.  

2.  Become consumed with God's Word and discover all the many ways you can show your family the love of Jesus.  There are many, many principles from God's Word that you can pass on to your family by being an intricate part of their daily life and by making God an everyday topic in your home.

3. Make yourself indispensable to your family.  I realize that my Mr. and kiddos really do not care if their laundry is folded neatly in the drawers or if the bathroom is free of dirt and grime, but I do know that they miss my presence when I am only away for a few hours!  Make your home fun and full of laughter.  Make your home the place your family wants to be more than anywhere else.  

4. Surround yourself with women who have the same goals as a wife and mom.  This is extremely important because we moms sometimes think we have to do this all alone. We are afraid that if we tell anyone our shortcomings, they will forever see us as an unfit mom. The truth is we need the support. Just as people who work a job have co-workers who can relate to situations and stress of the job, we need other moms who can relate to our daily struggles. We need to see other women who are fighting for their families.  We need to know we are not "in the trenches" alone. It is difficult to find wives and moms who share the passion of staying at home and ministering to their families.  If you don't have another mom close by who shares your same passion, I would encourage you to go to Sally Clarkson's blog itakejoy.com. I also highly recommend her books The Mission of Motherhood and  The Ministry of Motherhood.  

All of this takes work - and lots of it!  I also know from experience that going from a discouraged, why am I here?, this life really stinks perspective to a joy-filled, thankful, can't wait to see what happens today life takes time and patience.  Remember, we are BUILDING a home, a legacy that will outlast any bank account, any nice house, any certificate of recognition.  It takes time! Just like a builder, every stage of the process shows slow progress and little by little, we can see the results of our effort.  Unlike a builder, we are learning much as we go, and we must have faith that (what I humorously call) this "Grand Experiment" is going to produce the outcome that our hearts' desire.  We are building something that will last forever and carry on and on through generations. We cannot quit!  We cannot give up!

And that is why I am extraordinarily thrilled to be a wife and mom today!  I know that what I do today may not ever be shouted from the rooftops. "Christy just changed another poopy diaper today, folks!!!"  However, what I am giving my family today is what they will give their FAMILIES. I am influencing this world in a dramatic way times FIVE!!!  I want my children to pass on God's love, God's Word, God's desires and God's passion to their FAMILIES!  The fact that God has entrusted me with a wonderful Mr. and five little lives is amazing, and I pray that I do not waste one moment of the precious little time I have to build a legacy that will outlast my lifetime. 

Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.

~Proverbs 14:1~ 

 

My Journey As a Mom

Just like most young married girls, I was extremely excited about the prospect of having a baby.  The Mr. and I were married for two years before we began to think about this possibility.  I was teaching 1st and 2nd grade and enjoyed it so much that I decided to teach for two years before having our first baby because, of course, I would do what my mom and the Mr.'s mom had done - stay at home with all my babies!  This was what all good Christian girls do.  Besides that, my mom had my baby brother when I was 18 (yes, I typed that correctly)!  I knew EVERYTHING about babies!!!

Oh my!  Thinking you know everything about something is never a good way to begin anything...especially the journey of motherhood.  Our first baby was my little Miss E, and she was everything that I had NEVER dreamed of - literally!  She cried all the time, and although I say the word cried, I probably should have used the description screamed at the top of her lungs for so long and so loud that no one could stand it for more than 5 minutes! She cried in the car.  She cried in the swing.  She cried when I was holding her.  She cried when she laid down.  While we were still in the hospital, I would have to give her to the Mr. so that he could calm her down so that I could try to nurse her again.  And nursing....well, let's just say that was another problem altogether! 

To put it simply, all my ideals of motherhood were shattered. I never felt as though Miss E and I bonded during the infancy stage.  She was always much sweeter with the Mr.  This left me feeling like a horrid mother who must not be doing anything right because her own child did not want her! There were very few peaceful quiet times of holding my little angel doll and staring at her sweet little face.  Almost every night from 5 PM to 1 AM she would cry non-stop.  Ok....you get the picture. 

Moving on past the crying stage which finally seemed to taper off when she was about 6 months, I had a few short months of mostly enjoyable motherhood...until we got to the mobile stage.  Then, I began facing the battle of the wills.  I was not prepared for my 12 month old to stare me in the face and shout NO at me!  (I did NOT remember my brother doing such as this!)  Looking back now, I realize that Miss E really was not as horrible as I thought she was then.  The true problem was that neither the Mr. nor myself knew what in the world we were doing.  We thought if you feed a baby, keep the baby's diaper clean, play with baby, and spank baby (older baby) when absolutely necessary, it will grow into a good Christian child!  If only it were that easy and if only there were a simple method to parenting!

When Miss E was 22 months old, her brother Mr. A joined the scene.  Mr. A was the total opposite of Miss E - very sweet, loveable, and easy-going.  I do not really remember much of little Mr. A's babyhood though because I was quite consumed with Miss E's toddler years!  Again, I see where much of it was my fault.  I was teaching choir 4 hours each week, directing several small music groups at our church, tending to the duties of being a deacon's wife while our church was without a pastor, singing in almost every service, teaching a Wednesday evening kids' class, teaching junior church on Sundays, and also consulting for a home decorating company.  All of this topped with the fact that anywhere I drove took me at least one hour to get there.  I was spending approximately 12 hours per week in the car and doing all this with a 22 month old and a newborn!  Not very smart - AT ALL!  I was exhausted, always in a hurry, always feeling guilty for not keeping up with the home, but if I happened to be caught up at home, I was always behind in one of my other activities.  This left me with not much patience for my two sweet babies who just needed their mom.

And then....baby number THREE!!! My oldest was barely 3 1/2 years old!!!  That was when the melt downs began.  I was sleep deprived, exhausted from keeping up with everything, but I felt extremely guilty for saying no to anyone because, after all, the only thing I did was stay at home.  If anyone should have time to serve, it should have been me...so said the lies of Satan.  I remember one afternoon, I had battled with Miss E over nap time.  I was exhausted but needed to get some things done during nap, and she was not cooperating.  She woke up her brothers a couple of times, and all in all, it was just not working.  After a huge battle, she finally fell into an exhausted sleep at 4 PM, and I knew that would lead to her staying up until midnight that night.  I went and sat down in my rocking chair and cried and cried and finally screamed, "God, I cannot do this for the rest of my life.  I WILL NOT DO THIS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.  And, God, You have to change it because I don't know what I'm doing wrong."  I will remember those words and that afternoon for the rest of my life.   

Shortly after that day, my sister and her family moved and found an amazing family centered church to attend.  She was struggling with the newness of motherhood as well, but here, at this church, she found women who mentored her and taught her about the idea of training and discipling your children.  (Just to make this abundantly clear, the Mr. and I were both raised by wonderful and godly parents.  I really believe we were both oblivious to the way we were raised and just assumed that it all happened with very little effort.  Since changing our ways of parenting, we both appreciate our parents' sacrifices made to instill the character and training in us that we received.)  My sister began to teach me what she was learning through many LONG phone calls we had together.  At first, I thought she was CRAZY.  None of this sounded anything I expected.  Training and disciplining were two different things?  Practice with your children the things you want them to do properly in public?  Withhold things from your children for the purpose of instilling self-control?  The big one...say no to ministry opportunities so that you can be at home with your children? My conclusion...this was work!  However, my sister and I also used to watch Dr. Phil.  And our favorite phrase from his show was, "And how's that workin' for ya?"  We would tell each other about something we had tried and how miserably we had failed, and we would laugh as we asked each other that question.  I realized that nothing I was doing was working, and so I began trying the things my sister was telling me about.

The very first step I took was cutting back.  I quit my consulting job.  I discontinued much of my music ministry at the church.  I also stepped down from Junior Church.  The only things I continued were teaching choir and teaching my Wednesday evening class and occasionally singing in church.  This left me with an amazing amount of time at home.  Then, I began to work on organizing my home - making it a relaxing, comfortable place to be.  That took awhile!  Oh, who am I kidding? I am still working on it...although it has come a LONG way, and I do feel like I enjoy my home most evenings! 

In all honesty, it took a good four years before I could  say I loved being a stay at home mom more than anything else.  During those first years of rearranging life, I enjoyed it, but it was a long journey before I realized this is what I loved and began to grasp the important responsibility I had been given.  It was awhile before I realized that many things I viewed as interruptions were actually teaching moments for both me and my sweet little ones.  Do I have it all together now? No.  There are still days when I go out in the back yard and scream at the chickens (at least that's what my kids think I'm doing)!  There are days when I go to the bathroom and turn the water on and have a good hard cry because I feel so lonely or incapable.  Thankfully, though, those days are much fewer than they used to be.  

There is not a day that goes by that I do not remember the kind of mom I used to be, and thank God for His grace and miraculous change in my heart.  Do you remember my words that afternoon?  "God, You have to change it because I don't know what I'm doing wrong!"  God has changed me! Psalm 37:4 has been accomplished in my life!

Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.

It was not until I began searching for God and trying to find His way for my life that He began to change my heart.  He did not give me what I thought I wanted - a career as a music teacher AND the chance to be a great mom.  Instead, He gave me more than I ever dreamed of.  He gave me HIS DESIRE for me.  He gave me a second chance to be the mom He made me to be - the mom He intended me to be.  I no longer wrestle with the guilt of who needs me most - a job or my family.  I know, without a doubt, God made my family to need me, and I am made to serve them.  And I am so deeply, deeply thankful for this second chance.  I pray that I will not waste one bit of it on my selfish desires.  Each day, I want to show my children Jesus in me.  What could be more important than that?  I'll tell you....absolutely nothing!

I have opened up my heart here and shared some things that I am really not one bit proud of.  I am doing this so that you can see that I am not perfect.  I struggled desperately hard with this mommy thing, and I still struggle today.  It hurts when I see my children doing things that I know I could have and should have prevented them from allowing to become habits in the early years.  I wish I could go back and start over.  Then, God graciously reminds me of how far He has brought me and of how much He has worked in both mine and my children's lives. I tell you all of this so that you can see that it isn't too late.  If you are struggling with finding contentment in motherhood, remember God sees you and He cares - He cares more deeply than you do.  Remember this is the plan He gave us in His Word, and even though the job is tough and lonely, He has promised to never leave us.   He has also promised to provide a way through everything.  In tomorrow's post, I will share a few things that helped me tremendously as a struggling mom, and I pray they will help some other mom too!  It is never too late for God to change anyone!

An Exciting New Thing and Pumpkin Cream Cheese Muffins

There is something that I have wanted to do for quite some time, and today, I decided I'm just gonna do it!  I'm gonna take the plunge and see what happens!  If you have stopped by here much at all, you have probably picked up on my passion for motherhood.  I love being wife to the Mr., and I love pleasing him and serving him, too.  He is, after all, the one who will be here with me long after our kiddos have begun their own separate journeys.  However, I am surrounded 24/7 by my (most of the time) sweet kiddos, and they are my focus all day long.  I have always loved children, and it hurts my heart so much to see little ones who are neglected by the people who brought them into this world and who should love them the most.  There are so many women with children who are not mothers.  A mother nurtures, protects, sacrifices, teaches, loves and so much more. Am I the perfect mom?  Absolutely not.  I already have many regrets in the nine short years of my parenting.   Am I growing and changing and learning?  Praise God, I am!  (Tomorrow, I am going to share my journey as a mom because I want you to know where I am coming from.)

So, where was I going with this?  There is a point...I promise!!!  All of that above was to share with you the passion I have for being a joy-filled, nurturing, memory-making mom and for helping other moms be that too!  Beginning next Monday, October 8, I am going to feature Joyful Mom Mondays.  This will be an opportunity for me to share ways that we as moms can have indescribable joy as we go through such mundane days!  The best part is, I will be adding a link so that if you have a blog, you can also share your Joyful Mom ideas!  We can all learn from each other!  It may be small to start with.  Shucks!  I'll be happy if only one person links.  To me, it's not about the numbers.  It's about encouraging each other to reach for excellence.  Jesus promised in John 10:10b, "I am come that they may have life, and that they might have it more abundantly."  That's what I want - an abundant, excellent, no longer mundane but life-changing life, and I want to learn with you!  Whether you are a mom of littles or not so littles or even completely grown and gone kiddos, I'd love to hear what you are doing or have done to make your journey through motherhood a joyful one! If you are interested and ready to put some ideas together, I have posted a link here so that you can read more about this opportunity and what we are looking for in your post!  I am so looking forward to this and hope that you will join me!

Okay...now to our regularly scheduled Tummy Tempting Tuesday....

I know I have put up several desserts lately, but it is my specialty (in both the ability to prepare and the ability to eat)!  Today, I am posting a link to Pumpkin Cream Cheese Muffins.  My sister introduced these addictive things to me, and I assure you, you DO NOT want to pass up this recipe.  They are very close to Starbuck's famed Pumpkin Cream Cheese Muffins.  (I know this because I ate one of Starbuck's muffins just last week so that I could make this statement with complete accuracy!)  So, here it is...

Pumpkin Cream Cheese Muffins
Joyful Mom Mondays